Remember Your Worth; Stop Trying to Prove It!! 

“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.” ~Unknown

You can hold your own in any conversation. You stand out in a crowded room, shining bright like a diamond. You have educated yourself and built a solid career. You have a faith that can move mountains. Even with your flaws (yes, we all have those too!!), who you are demonstrates strength, value and exceptional confidence! And you show consistent support of those around you. You are blessed and are a blessing to others.


With all these great qualities that clearly reflect the value-add that you bring to any relationship, why are you walking around feeling defeated and worthless? Why are you trying to prove your worth to someone else? For some reason, you have felt a need to prove your worth to the very ones who will never see it. Stop it!! Just stop it!! Attempting to prove your worth to someone who doesn’t see your value and doesn’t even know their own worth is worthless! The longer you put forth effort to prove your worth the more you lose your value.


The effort to prove your worth could be in a marital or dating relationship, among family members, friends, leaders and work colleagues, or even your church family members. Often times those close challenging relationships requiring you to always prove your worth, are based on the other person’s issues that they project on you. The transference of their own lack of self-worth. You have to know that IT IS NOT YOU and that you are worth your weight in gold!! It means you are in a toxic situation that may require you to make major change.  If that means it’s time to walk away, then walk away. It’s time to change your environment and surround yourself with people where your value is seen as golden. You don’t have to prove anything! Just be true to who you are and remember who you are daily.


Remember your worth and walk in your greatness, being all that you were designed to be!

Walk in your PESSCE Wholeness!


Earlier this month we shared with you the overview of PESSCE (peace) Unlimited, LLC, and the concept of The PESSCE Wholeness Model™ which includes Lifestyle and Leadership wholeness for women. In addition, we reviewed the specific details of one aspect of the model, PESSCE Leadership Wholeness. Today, we will review PESSCE Lifestyle Wholeness.

As mentioned in a previous post, PESSCE is an acronym pronounced “peace.” The first letter of the six areas of focus for life-style and leadership wholeness is what makes up the word PESSCE. The six areas of focus for lifestyle wholeness are referenced as Life-Streams. Life-Streams are the 6 areas of life that are most common to all individuals. The PESSCE Lifestyle includes:



Spiritual (true Peace)



Economic (personal finance)

Demonstration of wholeness by exercising self-control choices in these six Life-Streams will result in greater PESSCE in one’s life. Peace is something most people often seek in their lives, but may not fully achieve because of a lack of PESSCE across the life-streams. The PESSCE™ approach encourages women who lack wholeness across the six areas, to seek their inner spiritual strength in order to make self-controlled life choices that should result in positive lifestyle changes.

When there is strain in any one of the six Life-Streams there will be a pull on the other areas as well. For example, you may often find yourself stressed for some reason economically (your finances) yet you feel the impact in your physical body. As a result of financial challenges, you may gain or lose weight; have headaches and migraines; display increased heart rate and elevated blood pressure; or there could be a number of other health related symptoms that you display. Because of this type of strain and impact that may occur across the Life-Streams, your overall life may reflect a lack of wholeness.

PESSCE Unlimited has designed the PESSCE Lifestyle Wholeness Model™ to offer a path to achieve lifestyle wholeness. The four-step process along with additional tools and resources will provide you with an easy to follow method to launch and complete your own personal journey to wholeness.

Your journey starts with you and can only be completed by you. It’s time for you to self-assess and put together your plan to achieve wholeness in your lifestyle. PESSCE Unlimited is here to help. Keep following us! All the tools you will need will be available soon.


Please share your comments.



I’d like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody. Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. (Amen) Say that I was a drum major for peace. (Yes) I was a drum major for righteousness.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

(excerpt from “The Drum Major Instinct”, February 4, 1968)


PESSCE Leadership

I am very proud of the young men and women that my son, nieces, and nephews are maturing to be. They each have such amazing talent, intellect, drive and overall focus on achieving their personal goals. They are all shining stars in my eyes!

My nephew Daniel is no exception. With his quiet presence and leadership soul, he is going to soar! In a recent social media post, my sister uploaded a video of Daniel leading his high school band as Drum Major. This type of posting from my sister has been a regular occurrence over the past few months as Daniel, a senior in high school, continues to mature in his passion for band performance, music composition and arranging. He is currently the Head Drum Major with his high school band with a solid focus on attending Tennessee State University in Nashville with a goal of being part of their band, Aristocrat of Bands! I am very proud of this young man!

In this most recent video post from his mother, I noticed something that stood out to me. As Daniel was leading the band and they marched forward amongst a crowd of attendees, I noticed that the back of his shirt said, “Drum Major Dan.” Those words for some reason jumped off the screen at a time when I was pondering my next blog post to describe “PESSCE Leadership,” one aspect of the PESSCE Wholeness Model for Women. I played the video clip again and I watched how Daniel led his team. He started out front, he turned to observe the team and to make engaging eye contact with the members, he with appropriate speed, swiftly moved down the side of the team to observe everything happening in the ranks. He gives a thumbs up and provides his commanding whistle blows before returning to the front line. He demonstrated such calmness yet a confident posture and demeanor as he then moves the band onward. He marched forward with precision, self-assurance and a solid demonstration of the Band Director’s set expectation of excellence!!

I said, wow, Daniel demonstrated what we are terming PESSCE Leadership! Oh by the way, I say, “wow,” a lot. I am always amazed how God brings things together in my thought process and provides clear examples to support what he gives me. So here are the leadership competencies that we focus on as part of the PESSCE Wholeness Model:





Calmness (a reflection of true Peace)


There are hundreds of other qualities of a good leader, however, the work of PESSCE Unlimited is very focused on these six as part of the Wholeness Model. Your goal should be as a leader in the workplace, demonstration of PESSCE Wholeness. There are many other leadership competencies that are also important for success in your leadership role, many of which will be reviewed as sub topics under these six PESSCE Leader competencies. In your role as the drum major and not band member, you want to lead from a place of PESSCE. When you don’t lead from this place of PESSCE, you are simply a band member with a few good sounds that you may play rather nicely. Influence and impact resides in PESSCE Leadership.

There is nothing wrong with being a band member, however, if you are a leader, then lead in PESSCE Wholeness. Be impactful in your role. When you align your personal PESSCE Lifestyle with your professional PESSCE Leadership, you will demonstrate PESSCE Wholeness that reflects true peace! And we all know where that true peace comes from, right? Standing in PESSCE and walking in true PEACE, oh yes, that is GIRL POWER at its max!!

So, lead on Drum Major Dan! We see you working! You have provided some motivation to me and others today!  


Later this week, we will preview PESSCE “Lifestyle” Wholeness, the second component of the PESSCE Wholeness Model for Women. But let’s hear from you now about PESSCE “Leadership” Wholeness. Be sure to post your thoughts in the comments section about this first half of the Wholeness model, PESSCE Leadership Wholeness.

What is PESSCE Wholeness?


This week we will spend time explaining the work of PESSCE Unlimited and key components of the PESSCE Wholeness Model. The foundational approach for the work of PESSCE Unlimited, LLC, is the PESSCE Wholeness Model for Women which focuses on Life-Style and Leadership Wholeness. You can find more details at and additional resources will be coming soon to help you achieve PESSCE Wholeness in your own life.

PESSCE Unlimited defines wholeness as:

The feeling and demonstration of completeness while walking in your own personal and professional freedom and truth.

Wholeness is not being perfect, however it is being complete. In order for you to achieve wholeness, you will first need to assess your current state. It’s time! It is now time for you to start being honest about yourself with yourself. When you can finally self-assess, reset and create a plan, make self-controlled life choices and improve professional performance, you will then be able to walk in your PESSCE Wholeness. You will know that you are walking in your own personal power from a place of freedom and truth because it will be from the work you put in to get there. We can provide you with coaching, consultation and resources. We can’t give you PESSCE Wholeness; you will have to do the work to get there yourself individually.

What is your truth? When you assess the depth of your personal life struggles and workplace challenges, you will likely discover that you are the root cause of most of what you deal with. Now, please don’t misinterpret what is being said here. How people treat you is important and they should be held accountable for any of their bad behaviors that negatively impact you or others. However, what I present to you is the thought that maybe, just maybe, if you are honest with yourself about yourself, you will express the truth of your own short-comings and personal baggage. You will begin to seek out the needed opportunities to make the necessary changes in your life personally and professionally once you take the first step of current state assessment.

As you get to know PESSCE Unlimited and the services offered, you will see the following six Life-Streams and six Leadership Competencies often referenced:

6 Life-Streams of Life-Style Wholeness:

Physical * Emotional * Spiritual * Social * Career * Economic

6 Competencies for Leadership Wholeness:

Precision * Engagement * Speed* Self-Assurance * Calmness * Excellence

We will share information to support your journey to PESSCE Wholeness through resources available at our online PESSCE Store (coming soon), Blog Posts, PESSCE Music, Consulting, Coaching and Events. Begin your journey today by understanding the basic components of the PESSCE Wholeness Model in our series of Overview Blogs this week. Then get in contact with us to establish your personal coaching or consultation plan!!

Your action for today: We want to hear your thoughts as we are behind the scenes swiftly crafting the PESSCE Wholeness services, tools and resources. Do you have PESSCE Wholeness across the 6 life-streams and 6 competencies? Or do you need a little help to get there? Let us hear your thoughts. Please like this Blog and add your comments below to begin the discussion.

​All to often we as women find ourselves in relationships that ultimately end because of the behaviors of the other person. I am sure many of you will be able to relate to this. You meet a guy who says and does all the right things presenting himself as potentially the perfect guy. You are cautious, because you have been in this situation before and he turned out to be nothing close to what he presented to you during those first couple of dates or conversations. As you suspected, this one is no different than others in the past.
What you have experienced is an introduction to his “personality.” Personality is the one who shows up and says the right things, is very attentive and considerate, talks about his family, and knows how to strategically charm you and everyone he meets. What you later experience meeting when you realized something is very wrong, is his “character.” You see, good personality does not equate to good character.
As part of our maturity as women is understanding the importance of looking past Mr. Personality that shows up and ask key questions so the real man Mr. Character steps up to the plate. When character shows up to the party late, not appropriately dressed for the occasion, you have to know you are dealing with character flows. Those flaws will ultimately be the contributing factors that end that relationship. That may be a quick end, after a few days; or much later after a few years of marriage. Either way, identify the defects to avoid the hurt.
This is not to say you are to expect perfect, nobody is perfect. I am saying, identify those character blemishes by seeing beyond the personality that shows in the beginning. There are clear indicators. When you miss the indicators, and move forward in a relationship with Mr. Personality, you will end up in a toxic relationship with a flawed “character” who is no longer Mr. Personality but Mr. Transference.  When flawed character is called out, it lashes out and begins to transfer issues in the relationship to you. Now the tough part here is if YOU too are damaged across your own PESSCE Life-Streams, you take on the issues. When you take on the issues, your lack of wholeness shows up.
So, it is important for you to have PESSCE Wholeness so when you are faced with Mr. Personality, you can see through the facade to the true character of the man. You can then make a self-controlled life choice to move on so that you are not later stuck in a failed relationship taking on the transferred issues from Mr. Transference. Personality or Character? You decide what is most important. 

Source: My Original PESSCE Website


​Our God given ability to preserve memories is a natural capability often taken for granted. For many without the use of modern technology many of the great experiences of life are lost in the depths of our minds, buried well below the challenges that we maintain at the forefront of our minds instead. The memories that seem to always stand the test of time are those of the people we loved or who impacted your life in profound ways.
Last night, during a process of transferring old VHS recordings to digital, floods of memories surfaces while watching a video recording of my 1989 high school Senior Day and Graduation. Wow!! So many great memories to watch but also heartbreaking to watch. Seeing the faces of friends who have passed away. Even though some I may have only seen at most only once or twice since 1989, they were each still considered such dear friends to me.
Life begins with birth and ends with death. Death is a part of life, and countless numbers of lives transition each day. The memories of these friends and loved ones is really what keeps some people going forward each day. At the same time, those memories may also be the burden that some carry who can’t process that their loved one is no longer with them. It is important to give them opportunity to grieve, but it is also important to help them find their emotional stability through their spiritual strength. The stability will come once the beautiful memories of their loved one are put in proper perspective. This will demonstrate Spiritual Wholeness that supports their Emotional Wholeness.
I recall at the end of 2016, there were a significant number of social media comments and news stories on the number of celebrity of deaths over the course of that year. I recall thinking, were the number of deaths, specifically celebrity deaths more that year, or just more notable?  I would venture to say the latter is true. I don’t have statistical data on hand to support this assertion, but I am sure there would be valid support. If the person who passes away isn’t considered a well know singer, songwriter, musician, actor, director or any other Hollywood work category, the death just comes and goes. There is limited impact and discussion except to those close friends and relatives directly impacted by the death.

As I think of my friends and loved ones who have passed away, I want to always remember and hope that people would not just focus on the notable deaths, but consider all who are impacted by the inevitable and find a way to provide spiritual and emotional support to others whenever possible. Death is really tough for many people to process, and they will need encouragement to move forward and experience all that life still has for them to experience. They still have more life to live here on earth! Let’s help them live life to the fullest! And for you, when the inevitable comes your way, as we all know it will someday, be sure you have done all you can to live life to the fullest. Living a life that is pleasing to God knowing that eternal life will be your gain. PESSCE Wholeness!

Source: My Original PESSCE Website


​You just want your happiness to be real. Right? The reality is that it may often be short lived or none existent if you are seeking that happiness from external sources, i.e., people, places, things. It is most likely those placeholders you have put in place for your happiness will disappoint you. People fall short, places become less exciting, and things lose value. I had a young lady recently share with me the disappointment of her misguided happiness. She is 30 years old and disappointed with her marriage. She and her husband have known each other since they were children. They were high school sweethearts, prom king and queen, married by 21 and hopeful they would be having children soon. She stated, “he was all I knew, he was my happiness!” My only thought was, wow!! He was your happiness? Of course, the second half of the story wasn’t so much the fairytale.
She went on to say how sad and disappointed she currently is with the way things have been lately. Unfortunately, the happiness she once placed in her husband is now none existent due to his poor life choices and just bad behavior. All her happiness was placed with this person and he of course disappointed. Her story is one that reminded me of the importance of a true relationship with the Lord.
The photo included in this post is of my niece, I affectionately call, “the lil baby.” Whenever I need a reminder of the simplicity of happiness that comes from God, I look at this picture of the lil baby, and I just smile. Sometimes, I even want to run out in my back yard, roll in the grass and throw my legs in the air just like her! The happiness on her face is priceless. God can give this to you too, even if you are not a 2-year-old toddler but a 30-year-old unhappy wife. Find your happiness internal, between you and your God. The real God. Not the substitutes you put in place. People, places and things will fail to fulfill. Now my God; yes, you can trust that He will not fall short. The happiness you seek external, seek internal, and know that God will fulfill the desires of your heart and give you more happiness than you could ever imagine from any external source. 

Source: My Original PESSCE Website

Its time! Time to make a change. Time to make difference choices. Given the outcomes of many of your past and even current choices, making a different choice may not be such a bad idea. It can be really challenging as a Christian to accept, address and adjust behavioral choices that result in outcomes that are not reflective of who you present yourself to be. Those such actions have to change in order for there to be positive impact on those assigned to you; your spouse, children, friends, family, coworkers and even strangers should know Christ through you.

Everyone has something they deal with or struggle with each day, even as a Christian. So no one is alone in the struggle and the need for change. For some, the correction of behavior may come easy and for others it’s a daily struggle to make a different choice. Be strong, trust God and know that He loves you, will strengthen you, forgives you and is waiting on you. Seek Him for the needed strength to do things differently and to be the positive influence in the lives of others that he needs you to be.

Source: My Original PESSCE Website