As we continue to introduce the concept of PESSCE (peace) Wholeness, I want to share some foundational thoughts about various areas of focus for the PESSCE model. PESSCE reflects the five life streams: physical, emotional, spiritual, social, career and economic. PESSCE Unlimited offers a model for wholeness supported by lifestyle coaching and guidance for navigating your life streams more effectively. I want to spend a little time discussing the “social” life stream. As you begin to focus on your five life streams, it will be important to give consideration to your “why.” Why you do what you do, who you do it with, who you do it for and why you do what you do when you do what you do? What is your “why” for social media? I’ve heard the current justification some use, “I only use it for marketing.” Okay, that’s fine, but what about the other users? Could it be a way of “muting” your silence? I want to share thoughts to help you assess your “why” as it relates to social media and give you opportunity for consideration of regaining an important component of yourself, your silence. Yep, I want to help you “unmute” your silence!

Has your silence been muted? Odd question, right? Silence in most cases is a chosen behavior. People who are closest to you, the people who really “know” you, often know what your silence means or at minimum know how best to interact with you when you are silent. A rich dynamic that fits within the definition of paralanguage, is your body language. Your silence still speaks through observed body language. Face to face communication allows opportunity for your silence to speak. So, I again ask, has your silence been muted? Have you muted your silence with excess utilization of social media?

The Social Life Stream within the PESSCE model gives consideration to our daily social experiences. Our social life experiences begin the day we are born and are exposed to the human experience outside the womb. Who you are today is often shaped by the social interactions you have had over the course of your life time. When we think of the current state of the Social Life Stream, the focus for many has shifted to social media utilization and less on social experiences. Social experiences hinges on the richest form of communication which is face to face interaction. Social media has changed this key developmental dynamic inherent to humans in how we live our lives.

Because of this shift, we have created a disengaged communication forum that has muted silence for many. Silence is not a bad thing. Face to face communication helps to give silence a voice. Through body language or physical touch, we are able to communicate our silence. Social media has muted the beauty of silence. Social media allows many to hide their silence through each individual’s ability to become whomever they want others to believe them to be if they were not silent. This is one aspect of the façade that plagues social media.

I do understand that some would say that social media platforms give voice to those who feel they have no voice. This isn’t necessary all bad, however, as it relates to muted silence, replacement of silence with social media is a way of hiding a gift that is a part of our human nature. The other extreme related to silence, social media also gives an online megaphone to those who are never silent who maybe should be. Online forums, give them opportunity to spew out that which is unimportant, inaccurate, opinionated, and often times just rude or obnoxious. This too is a form of muting the silence. Because in times that should be silent moments in their own personal life and space, such individuals are loudly speaking on social media platforms. Enough already, be silent!

In order to walk in your PESSCE Wholeness, it will be important to look at your social life stream to identify areas of challenge and opportunity. Your muted silence is just one area of consideration related to social. Unmuting your silence by replacing social media time with face to face time with others, personal reflection time, prayer or meditation time can be transformative for you and those around you. Embrace the silence over dinner with your family versus having your phone out scrolling through social media. It might lead to opportunity for engaging dialogue. I challenge you to reengage with your face-to-face circle of family and friends by letting them hear your silence. It’s okay to be silent and not be on social media. You should also consider spending time in your own quiet space of silence. Enjoy the silence. Will your silence be heard? Yes, by you, those in your circle, and your Higher Power! I dare you, try being silent. Unmute your silence and reclaim your social life experiences with yourself, God and those in your social circles, and less through social media absorption!

Remember Your Worth; Stop Trying to Prove It!! 

“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.” ~Unknown

You can hold your own in any conversation. You stand out in a crowded room, shining bright like a diamond. You have educated yourself and built a solid career. You have a faith that can move mountains. Even with your flaws (yes, we all have those too!!), who you are demonstrates strength, value and exceptional confidence! And you show consistent support of those around you. You are blessed and are a blessing to others.

 

With all these great qualities that clearly reflect the value-add that you bring to any relationship, why are you walking around feeling defeated and worthless? Why are you trying to prove your worth to someone else? For some reason, you have felt a need to prove your worth to the very ones who will never see it. Stop it!! Just stop it!! Attempting to prove your worth to someone who doesn’t see your value and doesn’t even know their own worth is worthless! The longer you put forth effort to prove your worth the more you lose your value.

 

The effort to prove your worth could be in a marital or dating relationship, among family members, friends, leaders and work colleagues, or even your church family members. Often times those close challenging relationships requiring you to always prove your worth, are based on the other person’s issues that they project on you. The transference of their own lack of self-worth. You have to know that IT IS NOT YOU and that you are worth your weight in gold!! It means you are in a toxic situation that may require you to make major change.  If that means it’s time to walk away, then walk away. It’s time to change your environment and surround yourself with people where your value is seen as golden. You don’t have to prove anything! Just be true to who you are and remember who you are daily.

      

Remember your worth and walk in your greatness, being all that you were designed to be!

Walk in your PESSCE Wholeness!


 

​All to often we as women find ourselves in relationships that ultimately end because of the behaviors of the other person. I am sure many of you will be able to relate to this. You meet a guy who says and does all the right things presenting himself as potentially the perfect guy. You are cautious, because you have been in this situation before and he turned out to be nothing close to what he presented to you during those first couple of dates or conversations. As you suspected, this one is no different than others in the past.
 
What you have experienced is an introduction to his “personality.” Personality is the one who shows up and says the right things, is very attentive and considerate, talks about his family, and knows how to strategically charm you and everyone he meets. What you later experience meeting when you realized something is very wrong, is his “character.” You see, good personality does not equate to good character.
 
As part of our maturity as women is understanding the importance of looking past Mr. Personality that shows up and ask key questions so the real man Mr. Character steps up to the plate. When character shows up to the party late, not appropriately dressed for the occasion, you have to know you are dealing with character flows. Those flaws will ultimately be the contributing factors that end that relationship. That may be a quick end, after a few days; or much later after a few years of marriage. Either way, identify the defects to avoid the hurt.
 
This is not to say you are to expect perfect, nobody is perfect. I am saying, identify those character blemishes by seeing beyond the personality that shows in the beginning. There are clear indicators. When you miss the indicators, and move forward in a relationship with Mr. Personality, you will end up in a toxic relationship with a flawed “character” who is no longer Mr. Personality but Mr. Transference.  When flawed character is called out, it lashes out and begins to transfer issues in the relationship to you. Now the tough part here is if YOU too are damaged across your own PESSCE Life-Streams, you take on the issues. When you take on the issues, your lack of wholeness shows up.
 
So, it is important for you to have PESSCE Wholeness so when you are faced with Mr. Personality, you can see through the facade to the true character of the man. You can then make a self-controlled life choice to move on so that you are not later stuck in a failed relationship taking on the transferred issues from Mr. Transference. Personality or Character? You decide what is most important. 

Source: My Original PESSCE Website

Its time! Time to make a change. Time to make difference choices. Given the outcomes of many of your past and even current choices, making a different choice may not be such a bad idea. It can be really challenging as a Christian to accept, address and adjust behavioral choices that result in outcomes that are not reflective of who you present yourself to be. Those such actions have to change in order for there to be positive impact on those assigned to you; your spouse, children, friends, family, coworkers and even strangers should know Christ through you.

Everyone has something they deal with or struggle with each day, even as a Christian. So no one is alone in the struggle and the need for change. For some, the correction of behavior may come easy and for others it’s a daily struggle to make a different choice. Be strong, trust God and know that He loves you, will strengthen you, forgives you and is waiting on you. Seek Him for the needed strength to do things differently and to be the positive influence in the lives of others that he needs you to be.

Source: My Original PESSCE Website