Remember Your Worth; Stop Trying to Prove It!! 

“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.” ~Unknown

You can hold your own in any conversation. You stand out in a crowded room, shining bright like a diamond. You have educated yourself and built a solid career. You have a faith that can move mountains. Even with your flaws (yes, we all have those too!!), who you are demonstrates strength, value and exceptional confidence! And you show consistent support of those around you. You are blessed and are a blessing to others.

 

With all these great qualities that clearly reflect the value-add that you bring to any relationship, why are you walking around feeling defeated and worthless? Why are you trying to prove your worth to someone else? For some reason, you have felt a need to prove your worth to the very ones who will never see it. Stop it!! Just stop it!! Attempting to prove your worth to someone who doesn’t see your value and doesn’t even know their own worth is worthless! The longer you put forth effort to prove your worth the more you lose your value.

 

The effort to prove your worth could be in a marital or dating relationship, among family members, friends, leaders and work colleagues, or even your church family members. Often times those close challenging relationships requiring you to always prove your worth, are based on the other person’s issues that they project on you. The transference of their own lack of self-worth. You have to know that IT IS NOT YOU and that you are worth your weight in gold!! It means you are in a toxic situation that may require you to make major change.  If that means it’s time to walk away, then walk away. It’s time to change your environment and surround yourself with people where your value is seen as golden. You don’t have to prove anything! Just be true to who you are and remember who you are daily.

      

Remember your worth and walk in your greatness, being all that you were designed to be!

Walk in your PESSCE Wholeness!


 

​All to often we as women find ourselves in relationships that ultimately end because of the behaviors of the other person. I am sure many of you will be able to relate to this. You meet a guy who says and does all the right things presenting himself as potentially the perfect guy. You are cautious, because you have been in this situation before and he turned out to be nothing close to what he presented to you during those first couple of dates or conversations. As you suspected, this one is no different than others in the past.
 
What you have experienced is an introduction to his “personality.” Personality is the one who shows up and says the right things, is very attentive and considerate, talks about his family, and knows how to strategically charm you and everyone he meets. What you later experience meeting when you realized something is very wrong, is his “character.” You see, good personality does not equate to good character.
 
As part of our maturity as women is understanding the importance of looking past Mr. Personality that shows up and ask key questions so the real man Mr. Character steps up to the plate. When character shows up to the party late, not appropriately dressed for the occasion, you have to know you are dealing with character flows. Those flaws will ultimately be the contributing factors that end that relationship. That may be a quick end, after a few days; or much later after a few years of marriage. Either way, identify the defects to avoid the hurt.
 
This is not to say you are to expect perfect, nobody is perfect. I am saying, identify those character blemishes by seeing beyond the personality that shows in the beginning. There are clear indicators. When you miss the indicators, and move forward in a relationship with Mr. Personality, you will end up in a toxic relationship with a flawed “character” who is no longer Mr. Personality but Mr. Transference.  When flawed character is called out, it lashes out and begins to transfer issues in the relationship to you. Now the tough part here is if YOU too are damaged across your own PESSCE Life-Streams, you take on the issues. When you take on the issues, your lack of wholeness shows up.
 
So, it is important for you to have PESSCE Wholeness so when you are faced with Mr. Personality, you can see through the facade to the true character of the man. You can then make a self-controlled life choice to move on so that you are not later stuck in a failed relationship taking on the transferred issues from Mr. Transference. Personality or Character? You decide what is most important. 

Source: My Original PESSCE Website

Picture

​Our God given ability to preserve memories is a natural capability often taken for granted. For many without the use of modern technology many of the great experiences of life are lost in the depths of our minds, buried well below the challenges that we maintain at the forefront of our minds instead. The memories that seem to always stand the test of time are those of the people we loved or who impacted your life in profound ways.
 
Last night, during a process of transferring old VHS recordings to digital, floods of memories surfaces while watching a video recording of my 1989 high school Senior Day and Graduation. Wow!! So many great memories to watch but also heartbreaking to watch. Seeing the faces of friends who have passed away. Even though some I may have only seen at most only once or twice since 1989, they were each still considered such dear friends to me.
 
Life begins with birth and ends with death. Death is a part of life, and countless numbers of lives transition each day. The memories of these friends and loved ones is really what keeps some people going forward each day. At the same time, those memories may also be the burden that some carry who can’t process that their loved one is no longer with them. It is important to give them opportunity to grieve, but it is also important to help them find their emotional stability through their spiritual strength. The stability will come once the beautiful memories of their loved one are put in proper perspective. This will demonstrate Spiritual Wholeness that supports their Emotional Wholeness.
 
I recall at the end of 2016, there were a significant number of social media comments and news stories on the number of celebrity of deaths over the course of that year. I recall thinking, were the number of deaths, specifically celebrity deaths more that year, or just more notable?  I would venture to say the latter is true. I don’t have statistical data on hand to support this assertion, but I am sure there would be valid support. If the person who passes away isn’t considered a well know singer, songwriter, musician, actor, director or any other Hollywood work category, the death just comes and goes. There is limited impact and discussion except to those close friends and relatives directly impacted by the death.

As I think of my friends and loved ones who have passed away, I want to always remember and hope that people would not just focus on the notable deaths, but consider all who are impacted by the inevitable and find a way to provide spiritual and emotional support to others whenever possible. Death is really tough for many people to process, and they will need encouragement to move forward and experience all that life still has for them to experience. They still have more life to live here on earth! Let’s help them live life to the fullest! And for you, when the inevitable comes your way, as we all know it will someday, be sure you have done all you can to live life to the fullest. Living a life that is pleasing to God knowing that eternal life will be your gain. PESSCE Wholeness!


Source: My Original PESSCE Website

Picture

​You just want your happiness to be real. Right? The reality is that it may often be short lived or none existent if you are seeking that happiness from external sources, i.e., people, places, things. It is most likely those placeholders you have put in place for your happiness will disappoint you. People fall short, places become less exciting, and things lose value. I had a young lady recently share with me the disappointment of her misguided happiness. She is 30 years old and disappointed with her marriage. She and her husband have known each other since they were children. They were high school sweethearts, prom king and queen, married by 21 and hopeful they would be having children soon. She stated, “he was all I knew, he was my happiness!” My only thought was, wow!! He was your happiness? Of course, the second half of the story wasn’t so much the fairytale.
 
She went on to say how sad and disappointed she currently is with the way things have been lately. Unfortunately, the happiness she once placed in her husband is now none existent due to his poor life choices and just bad behavior. All her happiness was placed with this person and he of course disappointed. Her story is one that reminded me of the importance of a true relationship with the Lord.
 
The photo included in this post is of my niece, I affectionately call, “the lil baby.” Whenever I need a reminder of the simplicity of happiness that comes from God, I look at this picture of the lil baby, and I just smile. Sometimes, I even want to run out in my back yard, roll in the grass and throw my legs in the air just like her! The happiness on her face is priceless. God can give this to you too, even if you are not a 2-year-old toddler but a 30-year-old unhappy wife. Find your happiness internal, between you and your God. The real God. Not the substitutes you put in place. People, places and things will fail to fulfill. Now my God; yes, you can trust that He will not fall short. The happiness you seek external, seek internal, and know that God will fulfill the desires of your heart and give you more happiness than you could ever imagine from any external source. 

Source: My Original PESSCE Website

Its time! Time to make a change. Time to make difference choices. Given the outcomes of many of your past and even current choices, making a different choice may not be such a bad idea. It can be really challenging as a Christian to accept, address and adjust behavioral choices that result in outcomes that are not reflective of who you present yourself to be. Those such actions have to change in order for there to be positive impact on those assigned to you; your spouse, children, friends, family, coworkers and even strangers should know Christ through you.

Everyone has something they deal with or struggle with each day, even as a Christian. So no one is alone in the struggle and the need for change. For some, the correction of behavior may come easy and for others it’s a daily struggle to make a different choice. Be strong, trust God and know that He loves you, will strengthen you, forgives you and is waiting on you. Seek Him for the needed strength to do things differently and to be the positive influence in the lives of others that he needs you to be.

Source: My Original PESSCE Website